I'm so irritated I don't even know where to begin. The fact is that I'm really trying hard NOT to be a bitch, but I seem to be failing miserably. My husband has been home from Iraq for less than two weeks and while we aren't fighting, I'm just really really pissed off. I know that he needs some downtime away from us to just do the things he loves to do and to sort through some of the shit he had to deal with while he was in Iraq. And even though Iraq is for the most part under control and many of the guys don't leave the wire, he does. He is EOD. And anyone can say what they'd like, but EOD guys have to do some shit you just don't see. So, whether you think they are cocky or arrogant, or just bullshitting about what they do, until you've walked their walk in their shoes, you oughtta keep your damn mouth shut.
So, while I realize he has all this stuff he needs to process and he can't be with us 24/7 and the kids have basically been up his ass since he walked through the door a week and a half ago, it doesn't hurt any less that he'd rather be out with his motorcycle and a bunch of guys he doesn't even know doing God knows what and riding his motorcycle. I mean, I trust him more than I trust myself and we probably wouldn't have done anything if he was here anyway, it's the fact that we aren't a part of that.
Hell, maybe it's all on me. Maybe it's just all my problem. I don't have anything that doesn't involve him or the kids in my life. Not a damn thing. Maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I'm jealous that he can just take off whenever he wants and do whatever he wants and leave for overnight or a day or two or a week, and he doesn't have to think twice about the house or the kids or the dogs because, hey, I'm here. I'm always here. And I guess maybe that is his reward for putting his life on the line in other Countries for his family and Country (where only 10% actually give a shit). I mean, look at me, I don't work. I don't get told what I can spend his money on for the most part, I have pretty much free rein to make any stupid decisions and fuck up things as much as I want to. I guess maybe it's a trade off?
Who knows. I'm still irritated.
So, while I realize he has all this stuff he needs to process and he can't be with us 24/7 and the kids have basically been up his ass since he walked through the door a week and a half ago, it doesn't hurt any less that he'd rather be out with his motorcycle and a bunch of guys he doesn't even know doing God knows what and riding his motorcycle. I mean, I trust him more than I trust myself and we probably wouldn't have done anything if he was here anyway, it's the fact that we aren't a part of that.
Hell, maybe it's all on me. Maybe it's just all my problem. I don't have anything that doesn't involve him or the kids in my life. Not a damn thing. Maybe I'm just jealous. Maybe I'm jealous that he can just take off whenever he wants and do whatever he wants and leave for overnight or a day or two or a week, and he doesn't have to think twice about the house or the kids or the dogs because, hey, I'm here. I'm always here. And I guess maybe that is his reward for putting his life on the line in other Countries for his family and Country (where only 10% actually give a shit). I mean, look at me, I don't work. I don't get told what I can spend his money on for the most part, I have pretty much free rein to make any stupid decisions and fuck up things as much as I want to. I guess maybe it's a trade off?
Who knows. I'm still irritated.
0 winks and nods.:
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